I can't believe I am actually doing this. I haven't been this selfish since what...the 8th grade?
Last month or two have been wonderful. With the ring on my finger and him by my side I feel perfectly safe and happy. He is everything I ever wanted, no...he is so much more than that. And yes, I am so engaged. But of course, when everything is going great, there comes a time when you forget how it is when it's not so great. And then the Almighty comes in your way and proves you that there are still bad things around you, in you and for you. Everything is complicated, so what? Life isn't fun if it's all just smooth and shiny. But today, for hell knows what reason, I couldn't stand it anymore. I just wanted to brake down and cry. And I can't stop judging myself. I am taking everything away form her, starting with the perfect wedding and ending with myself. Sassodīts. Why do I feel this way? And yes, more than anything, I wish she could be there for me on my day, our day. But I know it would brake my family apart, more than I could handle. Watching them leave in disappointment. I could never ask them to.
But all this won't matter, because that day, will give us eternity together.
This is my last goodbye. I think I am finally ready to give up this silly habit of writing. I am finally free.
